"In the Six Seat, Rep. Bob Goodlatte..."

Wicked Chops already covered this one, but it's a too-funny that deserves a little bit more love.

The locale: The Sundance Film Festival, which every winter draws thousands of filmland stars and hopefuls to the Utah mountains, where deals are made, projects are pitched, and hundreds of new films are screened in hopes of securing distribution. It's also a winter get-together for the Hollywood set and those who chase after them, with plenty of parties and other events going on as well.

Case in point, a celebrity-sprinkled poker tourney run by a Celerity Investments, a real-estate investment firm. Celerity is one of those companies trying to launch an entertainment division and trying to leverage Sundance media opportunities into increased awareness. We're aware, all right, of cowpies being peddled as fudge brownies.

Until the Wednesday of the tourney, according to a Salt Lake City newspaper's blog on Sundance, "organizers were telling people that their 'confirmed' contestants included some very big names: Matt Damon, George Clooney and NBA greats Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan. But when the event finally got under way about 2:30 p.m., those A-listers were nowhere to be found. Instead of Jason Bourne, Danny Ocean and the greatest basketball player of all time, spectators were treated to Miss USA Rachel Smith, Daniel Baldwin (maybe the least-known Baldwin brother), ex-NBA player-turned-talk-show host John Salley, Ultimate Fighting champ Matt Hughes and Kato Kaelin. Yes, O.J.'s Kato Kaelin. And those were the most famous names at the table."

What, no Jamie Gold? Isn't Jamie Gold always at these schlocky made-for-publicity events? Still, it's clear that the organizers of this event tried their hardest to put one over on an unsuspecting press and public. 'Celerity,' by the way, means 'Swiftness of action or motion; speed.' Here's betting that celerity was shown, by the writers of the press releases pimping the event, in disappearing from the transmit range of any known cel-phone towers once the actual list of attendees became known.