Monday, July 24, 2006

More Monkey Business at the Rio --- Pokershare Enters Mikey the Chimpanzee in WSOP Main Event

Awright, if you didn't see when it was the lead item on Yahoo! over the weekend, then you'll just need to click here to catch up on the news. It's not April 1st, so we'll just have to take at their word --- they've issued a press release avowing that they've entered "Mikey" the chimpanzee in the upcoming World Series of Poker Main Event, and they've even put up a video showcasing Mikey's supposed poker skills. It's been termed "Chimp vs. Chump," and Pokershare is even willing to buy a free entry into the '07 event for anyone who dumps their chips to --- errrm, gets knocked out by ---'s favorite horse monkey.

Okay, pokershare, good job on the cheap publicity stunt, despite the fact that there's a lot of better things you could have done with that ten grand... assuming Harrah's and the WSOP accepts Mikey's entry. But let's run with it, for the sake of giggles. No top ten list, but instead a quick comparison of pros and cons, detailing why Mikey might do well, or why he won't. (Tongue wholly in cheek, of course.)

Cons (why Mikey won't be the champ chimp):

1) Can't make a legal bet because he can't say "Raise";
2) Has trouble controlling his banana at the sight of Liz Lieu, Evelyn Ng, and the other poker divas;
3) Keeps drawing time-out penalties for eating the chips and cards.

Pros (why Mikey's still a safer bet than some others):

1) Mikey will smell better than that British dude in the soccer jersey from last year's WSOP;
2) "Chimp vs. Chump" still a better marketing concept than "Bill vs. Phil";
3) Tiltability-of-opponents factor caused by having even more facial hair than Eskimo Clark.

Best of luck, Mikey. As for me, I never trust any creature who can handle cards with both hands and feet, with equal dexterity.

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