Thursday, June 01, 2006

Phil Hellmuth on "The Surreal Life"?

This one's straight outta the "Bazaar Bizarre" category, for sure. Unsubstantiated reports today indicate that everyone's favorite Poker Brat, Phil Hellmuth, Jr., has signed on for Season 7 of that epitome of fine boob-tube viewin', MTV's "The Surreal Life."

Your blogger first encountered the story in a post at Dumbasses Trump All, among the higher-profile poker blogs, and further investigation turns up links at Wikipedia and a pro-wrestling site, though no official releases from Hellmuth or the other supposed Season 7 "Surreal" participants has yet appeared. Those also rumored to have signed on include Playboy playmate Tina Jordan (March, 2002, for you guys who were wondering), rock musician Peter Steele (of goth band Type O Negative) and venerable pro wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

Seriously, if it isn't true, it oughta be. Hellmuth's ability to out-strange his poker-playing brethren in the publicity department goes without question, though many people continue to wonder how far afield he can before his poker greatness dissapates, a topic Daniel Negreanu brought up in a lengthy Card Player interview only a few months ago. He's not there yet, but Hellmuth certainly is headed down the Anna Kournikova path --- she went from a serious, up-and-coming tennis pro to a publicity-trashed brand name who's still never actually won a tennis title. Two obvious differences: Hellmuth has won a few tourneys, and he doesn't look anything like Kournikova; as I've mentioned elsewhere, he's nudging ever closer to Roy Orbison.

But let's hope for the wonder of wonders, in that these "Surreal Life" rumors are true. If it does come to pass, then Phil, I recommend that you teach Macho Man all the finer points of poker, then tell him repeatedly that he's the biggest donkey you've ever seen. Over and over. Seriously, you can tilt him if you really work at it. If the donkey thing doesn't work by itself, then I'd try confusing him with Hulk Hogan and telling him that he screwed himself out of $300 million when he let the chance to be the spokesman for the "Mean Lean Grilling Machine" slide to George Foreman. Don't let him tell you it was Hogan, not him --- remember, you're just trying to keep him off balance.

You can dodge bullets, baby. We believe.


Grinder said...

Say it ain't true - Phil?? I watched that show in it's 1st season and wish I had that time back.

NOW - with my home town boy being on it I will make SURE to stay away.

spry said...

this may actually be the one time I watch the Surreal life since mc hammer and webster... haha.

Haley said...

"The Surreal Life" is one of those shows for which I have a warm spot... though it might be the proverbial acid indigestion. See, the show was one of the few that fell to me for reviewing purposes back in my days at Tribune Media Services, and it promised to be so bad (and was), the editorial department scheduled a noontime pizza party so the whole crew could watch the train wreck.

To this day, I don't know what was more pathetic --- watching Corey Feldman throw a temper tantrum over being served a sushi spread decorated atop some poor model, or the cast's baking of cookies and such to be delivered to neighbors who didn't know or care who the hell these washed-up schmos at their door once were.

It was also a situation where one of my funniest-ever bits was left on the editor's floor, if only because Feldman was suing everybody in sight (or something like that) at the time. I can't recall much of it, though I remember something about Emmanuel Lewis going blotto on the sparkling mineral water at Feldman's later-televised wedding, where Lewis ran into trouble with his presumably undersized kidneys because Brande Roderick and Gabrielle Carteris had monopolized the bathrooms. It was a weird tale I spun --- too bad it didn't see print.

Anonymous said...

your kidding me hellmuth on sureal life i have to see that i hope its true he makes great tv